


Love Lost

by awkwardjazzy



Category: GOT7
Genre: I need to be stopped, IMMEDIATELY, M/M, Pls stop me, im so done, im sorry, omf, once again, sorry - Freeform, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:20:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8100484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardjazzy/pseuds/awkwardjazzy
Summary: Jackson couldn't believe what he saw in front of his eyes....





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was basically an English assignment I turned into a fanfiction because I thought it would be a great idea to change the names and to change the female pronouns of one of the main characters into male pronouns, and this happened so here ya go.

He couldn’t believe what he saw in front of his eyes. His face was an expression that showed a mixture of horror and pure shock. He was disgusted with himself. He could’ve changed everything. He could’ve had his happy ending. He ruined everything the day he said he hated him. what if he hadn't said that? What if he told BamBam he loved him? What if he could go back and change everything? It’s too late now; he lost everything. He fell to his knees and put his head on his hands. He pulled out the note. He read the last three words over and over again. All he could do was replay every memory of him in his mind to figure out where he went wrong. He thought of when they first met.

**~1 year ago-March 28, 2014~**

It was like any other day in Central High School of Seoul. Jackson's birthday was off to a terrible start already. He was shoved against his locker and punched, tripped down the stairs, and he got into a fight with his best friend Jaebum.

_There’s no way this day can get any better_ , he thought to himself, staring aimlessly through the cafeteria in search of someone to talk to. When he found no one, he made his way to an empty lunch table and ate in silence. Halfway through lunch he noticed a boy had sat in the seat across from him. He had auburn hair and eyes that were chestnut brown with a hint of emerald. His cheeks were tinted pink and an array of freckles covered his face beautifully like the stars in the sky at midnight. He looked at Jackson.

“Hi I’m Kunpimook, but you can call me BamBam. What’s your name?”  The beautifully mysterious boy asked.

“Jackson,” He replied simply.

“Nice to meet you Jackson!” He exclaimed before talking about something random. He got lost in his eyes. There was a glow present but what attracted him was the hint of darkness that clouded his eyes.

“Jackson?” He snapped back into reality.

“Huh?” He questioned.

“It’s time to leave, Are you ok?” BamBam asked becoming worried.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine,” He said, “Sorry, gotta go.”

**~Present~**

He missed the old days. He missed when everything was so simple. He wished he could go back and change everything. He missed him. He needed him. Tears slowly fell down his cheek, gliding quickly two at a time. He never cried in front of anyone, except BamBam. He understood. At that moment he cared about nothing but BamBam. He was everything to him in that moment. How could this happen? He wondered rocking back and forth, How could he do this to me? The past few days were all a blur to him and he couldn’t understand anything. All he knew was that it was his fault.  
  
 **~3 months ago~**

BamBam watched as Jackson walked hand in hand with his girlfriend. He envied that girl. He wanted to be her. He felt that he wasn’t good enough for Jackson, and he hated that the stupid girl had him and he didn’t. He’d never tell Jackson that though. He always forced that fake smile on his face to see him smile. He remembered one quote:

“If he’s happy, I’m happy,” He laughed.

_If him being happy is supposed to make me happy, then why  do I break piece by piece every time I see him with her?_ He questioned himself. He looked back up at the happy couple. He walked away feeling disgusted. Why can’t he love me? He thought, Am I not good enough? That night he cried himself to sleep and woke up the next morning trying to be happy for Jackson.

**~Same time 3 months ago~**

Jackson saw that BamBam didn’t like his girlfriend, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how much it hurt him. He thought he was upset because he spent less time with him to hang out with Soobin. He loved them both and he wanted them to like each other. He walked into the school and Soobin walked up to him with tears in her eyes. He began to worry.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated continuously until her voice became hoarse. He tried to calm her down. When she was finally calm, Jackson asked her why she was sorry.

“I can’t do this. I love you Jackson, but I’m not in love with you. I’m sorry,” She said shaking her head. He stopped there for a minute, processing her words.

“What do you mean you can’t do this?” He questioned, beginning to panic. She dropped the act.

“Jackson, I think we should break up,” She said cold-heartedly. Then she walked away. That day was the first and last time he thought anyone would see him cry.

**~Present~**

He sat in his room crying. He was in so much pain. How could he do this? How could he leave? He sobbed uncontrollably. He couldn’t think straight. Too many thoughts were swimming around his head.

**~3 days ago~**

“Hey Jackson?”

“Yes?” He said looking up from his phone.

“What would you do if I died?”

“I don’t know. I’d probably die,” He said while laughing. He looked at BamBam. He looked away.

“No, but seriously, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” He said becoming serious. BamBam looked at him. Jackson got lost in his eyes and unintentionally leaned in. There was nothing stopping him now. He inched forward becoming closer and closer. BamBam also leaned in. They were two inches apart when out of nowhere a cough was heard throughout the room. They jumped and scooted apart. He ran out without looking back.

**~Present~**

He wished he could take it back. He wished he’d never said those disgusting things he spit out in anger. He paced around his room searching for reasons. He needed answers but he wasn’t getting any. He needed to know everything about BamBam. How he felt. What he hated. Why he felt the way he did. He needed to know. He became frustrated.

**~2 days ago~**

BamBam walked into Jackson’s room and slapped him.

“Ouch! What was that for?” He shrieked loudly.

“That’s for being you!” He yelled back, annoyed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He questioned.

“It means you’re a jerk!” He answered.

“Yeah? How am I a jerk?” He asked becoming more and more persistent.

“You’re so shallow. You only care about yourself and it’s really annoying,” He replied honestly.

“You’re annoying!” Jackson exclaimed.

“Unlike you, I know when to shut up,” BamBam retorted. Now he was angry

“Why don’t you just leave then?” He screamed.

“Fine!”  He yelled back. As he turned to leave he screamed, “I wish we had never met!” He threw a book at the wall. BamBam turned back.

“Me too, maybe then I’d be happy!” He yelled in his face.

“I wish you were dead!” He mumbled. BamBam was taken aback. Jackson finally realized the weight of the words he carelessly threw out. BamBam was crying. He fell to the floor.

“I’m so sorry!” He rushed, “I didn’t meant it. I’m so sorry! I’m such an idiot!” After that moment everything changed.

**~Present~**

He regrets every word he said to him. It’s his fault he’s gone. He pulled out the note and stared at it.

**~5 hours earlier~**

He walked home from school by himself. It was oddly cold outside as he was walking to BamBam’s house because it was May 2 , his birthday. He reached in his coat pocket to warm his hands up and pulled out a weird piece of paper. He opened it and read it. It reads:

_**Jackson,** _

**_I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. I can’t stand this agonizing pain I constantly feel. It’s too overwhelming. You’ve caused me so much pain these days. You’re so gorgeous, and it makes me feel worse knowing that someone as gorgeous as you will never love me because you’re my everything and I need you. This is so painful for me to do, but I’m giving up on you. It’s obvious that you’ll never love me, besides I think you were right. I wish I was dead too. The world would be such a better place without me. You’d be happier without me and as long as you’re happy I’m happy. Goodbye Jackson. Don’t forget about me!_ **

_**Love Always,** _

_**Kunpimook** _

_**P.S. I Love You!** _

He read the note over not realizing the meaning of it. He continued to walk to BamBam’s house, puzzled at the note in his hand. The atmosphere around him continued to get gloomier as he got closer to BamBam's house. He finally reached his doorstep. Suddenly everything clicked and he was running up the stairs, slamming his fist on BamBam's door begging him to let him in. When he could hold it in no longer, he crashed his foot on the door. The door tumbled to the floor and as soon as he stepped foot in his door he fell to the ground. The room looked relatively normal, but one thing stood out: The enormous puddle of blood on the floor and the body that lay limp inside the puddle. He slowly walked up to BamBam. His eyes were closed and he had a frown permanently etched on his face. Gashes covered his arms, and the words fat, ugly, and disgusting peppered his thighs. Out of all the chaos, what caught his attention was written across his stomach. The word worthless was written largely across his stomach, seeming to be the deepest cut out of all of them, his anti-depressants were spilled haphazardly across the floor.

“I’m sorry, forgive me?” was messily written on the wall in his blood. He wanted to collapse. He wished it was him instead of BamBam.

**~3 years later- ~~~~May 2, 2018~**

He was never the same after that day. He thought he’d get over BamBam but he didn’t. Each day got worse until the pain became unbearable and he couldn’t take it any longer. He stayed in his room, and he couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw BamBam in the pool of blood, he saw his distorted body. He hated seeing BamBam like that. That night was the night he decided that he would never leave him.

**~3 hours later~**

When Jaebum walked into Jackson's room ee was horrified at the sight he saw. Taped to the back of Jackson's bedroom door was a note. He picked it up and opened it and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he read the note that says:

_**Whoever finds this,** _

_**I’m sorry you had to see me in this state. I’m sure you saw the news three years ago today. If you have then you understand why I’m writing this which is because I can’t handle this anymore. The pain is unbelievable. My heart shattered the moment I saw him like that. My best friend, the love of my life. It was my fault, I was the reason he killed himself. My Kunpimook. He’s gone. I can’t live without him, I won’t live without him. I’m sorry you found me this way, but remember that I am happy now. I am with Kunpimook. I’m sorry, please forgive me.** _

_**Love Always,** _

_**Jackson** _

_**P.S. Please don’t forget me.** _

He walked over to his friend’s body. He had died the same way BamBam had. In his left hand was the note BamBam had written him before he died that day. He couldn’t look at Jackson any longer, the grief was too much. He took BamBam’s note and read it but he quickly put it back and turned around, unable to look at his friend’s disheveled body. As he turned he noticed something on the wall. A note to BamBam was written. That was the last thing Jackson’s friend Jaebum saw before he collapsed. That note was the last thing Jackson wrote before he fell unconscious and never woke up.

“ P.S. I Love You Too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so that's it. Thank you for reading this crappy fic *cries*.I originally got inspiration from this when I turned it in as an English assignment so I scoured social medias asking my followers for the perfect pairing and this is what I got. I think it's quite perfect because Jackson (although he would never be rude like this) is loud and outspoken and I think that this personality fits him perfectly. He would be the person to not be afraid to show his personality to the people he trusts, and as for BamBam I felt this fit him perfectly because it sort of shows how loses his innocence in the fic and I think that fits him perfectly because over the years, I feel he's lost that innocence in a sense that he's growing up and becoming more mature and he's losing that childlike innocence that he had and since he's an idol we have all watched him grow up and we saw him in every stage of his life and I think that that is pretty cool (also just because I wrote it like this, I don't think for one second that BamBam or Jackson would ever do this so I'm sorry if you guys kind of hate me for writing this!) Yeah so that's the end, comments and criticism appreciated! (Please be blunt, don't sugar coat it to try to save my feelings. If you think it sucks, tell me it sucks. I won't be offended because I would really like to know the things that I could fix with my writing and the things that you find I do well.) Thank you guys for reading this (if anyone does). I love you guys.  
> ~Stay Beautiful


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